Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
