So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
