i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
