If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
