her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
