Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
