We need to rekindle our bromance
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
