Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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