U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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