Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
