Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i came on her dog
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
