Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
