I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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