she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
