what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
