if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he's gonorrhea incarnate
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
