im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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