Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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