Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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