is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
