Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
