I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
