I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
