If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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