i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
