You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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