There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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