My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just found puke in my bra..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
