for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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