There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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