So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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