oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
