I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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