nutella sex= disaster
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
