ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Boobs are out for the taking
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
