my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
