that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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