She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
