You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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