everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
