And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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