Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
