I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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