Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
