He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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