thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
