In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
