i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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