Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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