There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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